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Trophy Wife : Merch
Trophy Wife T-Shirt


100% Cotton Hanes Beefy-T
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Trophy Wife T-Shirts

Be Unnaked

Let’s just get right down to it. We all have needs.

You need to cover your body in soft 100% cotton or whatever, in a way that says to the world, “hey, here is my outlook on you, world, expressed in a pithy way via the logo of something I enjoy.”

And we need money.

Wait! It’s not like that. You probably think that as soon as we have a bit of cash from our high-paying shows at iO West, we run off to Vegas and lounge on comfortable chairs enjoying alcoholic beverages and rich foods with attractive members of both sexes before heading to the gambling tables and “making it rain on them hos.”

But that’s ridiculous. First of all, we don’t get paid to do shows at iO. Also, we don’t know anyone attractive (except you) and The Wife is too busy spending our money on responsible things. Like traveling to festivals, getting rehearsal space, paying our coaches, getting our photos taken, and occasionally sitting in very uncomfortable chairs enjoying alcoholic beverages. All this on our own sad thin dime.

Hang on… there is clearly a way we could mutually benefit each other! Wait, I had it… then I lost it. Oh well. Hey, do you want to buy a t-shirt? Because we’re selling them. So please buy one, why don’t you? Also, if you don’t like t-shirts, well, that’s kind of un-American, but there’s more Wife merchandise coming soon.

We love it when everyone wins.

Trophy Wife Live!

Saturday, June 14th @ 8pm
6366 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90038

323.962.7560 for tickets/info

Buy Tickets

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