Trophy Wife

Spinning Class Is Just Like Hollywood

Spinning class is just like Hollywood.

We are surrounded by beautiful people.
Some are new and don’t have the right shoes.
Some have been here for years and we’ll never keep up.

We open our eyes and realize we are the only ones standing while everyone else is sitting.
We don’t think we can make it, so we slow down, sit down, put our heads down, and tell ourselves, “all that matters is to keep pedaling.”
We’re sure everyone sees we’re off rhythm, overweight and out of practice.

But look around.
Everyone is concentrated only on themselves.
Making it through their own workout.

There are moments when everything clicks, we’re on pace, sweating and smiling.
There are moments when we hear a lyric from a familiar song as if for the first time.
There are moments where it suddenly feels effortless.

From the outside we look like people on stationary bikes,
Spinning our wheels.

Tim with Der Horsey: Corn

Der Horsey, a techno-pop-hipster-dance band made up of our our very own Tim Jennings and Trophy Wife pal Rachael Porter just put out a new single entitled “Corn.” Have a listen:

Direct Download Link

Graham's Custom Trophy Wife T-Shirt

Here’s DHT member Graham Douglas in his custom Trophy Wife T-Shirt that we made especially for him for his iO SUV joke a while back.

Get your non-custom Trophy Wife t-shirts here.

Taking Back the White House

Look. . . I’m Trophy Wife’s only Clinton supporter. So maybe I feel like I have to go that extra mile. Are any of you bubble-bathing for Obama?

Pineapple Express

Hang on, I’m just checking to see if I’ve ever been so excited to see a movie… ah… no. No, I haven’t.

Accompanied by Andrew: Langer's

Since 2004, Harold Nights at the IO West have been made better by the keyboard accompaniment of Andrew Melton. And the same goes for a good lunch—it gets even better when you’re accompanied by Andrew Melton.

Andrew and I have gone on a few field trips over the years to some of LA’s most beloved restaurants and bars. To kick off this column, Andrew joined me, Natasha, and Michael for another lunch at Langer’s.

Langer’s just celebrated 60 years in business in the Westlake/McArthur Park district. They’re a classic deli and some say they make the best pastrami… in the country.

Andrew and I both had the pastrami on rye with a side of potato salad. Natasha had the blintzes. The food was, indeed, excellent. I would particularly point out the bread. So well done—heated and crisped just right. And the service is great—that almost motherly service you often find in a good deli or diner.

Langer’s is at the corner of Alvarado Street and 7th (a piece of geography recently named Langer’s Square)—a short walk from the MacArthur Park Metro stop. If you’re driving, there’s a convenient parking lot just east of the restaurant at the northeast corner of 7th and Westlake Ave.

So please go to Langer’s (they’re open Monday through Saturday, 8 am to 4 pm) and eat of their goodness. And if you have the appetite for the Fresser’s Special Sandwich, please let me know how awesome it was.

The Legend of Zelda...'s commercials

Even great video games can breed bad commercials. Case in point, Nintendo’s The Legend of Zelda.

Back in the day, ad executives really didn’t know how to market games. So they asked themselves, “Who likes games?” The answer, apparently, is cool kids in denim jackets and nerds from the 50’s.

Observe

The second Zelda commercial to air here in the US is amazing because of how little it actually has to do with the game. Basically, it’s as if someone was given a list of characters and the title. That person then called their friend who, “Always does HILARIOUS voices at parties,” and poof! This commercial was born.

Pea-Pea-Peahats!! What the fuck!?

No entry into a bad commercial contest is complete without a trip to the land of the rising sun and as far as bad Zelda commercials go, they refused to be out done. There’s so much right and SOOOO much wrong with this commercial all at the same time.

I Love Japan.

Fresh from the Trophy Wife Game Room - Wolf Quest

It can be hard for parents to find good, wholesome games for their kids to play. You want your kid to have fun, but you know what? You want them to learn something too. Nine times out of ten you either end up with an awesome game that has NO educational merit (Mass Effect, Rock Band, Connect Four…ok that’s not a video game, but still) or you find yourself with a very educational game that’s about as much fun as learning to type…which is generally what they’re about anyway (Mavis Beacon anyone?).

But, once in a rare moon, you’ll actually stumble upon that one game. The one left over from the other nine out of ten. A game that promises not only education, but fun too…and delivers neither.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Wolf Quest. Play at your own risk.

Golden River

This ad ran with this typo for several weeks in the L.A. Times. It’s still running, but the typo has been corrected. It’s still a wonderful ad. Where else will you find all these services: Fine Dining, Catering, Florist & Gifts, AND Ceramic Arts? Nowhere else. That’s where.

Fresh from the Trophy Wife Game Room

As you may or may not know, when I’m not performing with Trophy Wife and tending the garden in the back yard of the Trophy Wife chateau, I work for a show called X-Play on G4. Basically, I have the best job in the world spending my days writing about, reading about, and playing every form of video game imaginable.

That being the case, I also run across my fair share of ridiculously bad video games. Games so bad that they actually make the official Trophy Wife game, “Trophy Wife and the Mystery of the Disgusting New Orleans Brothel” seem like a good idea. Incidently, if you make it to level 2 on our game, there’s a particularly randy exchange between Mike Coen and Johnny A.

Long story long, I want to share these terrible games with you. Play them at your own risk.

Submitted for your approval – Zoo Race. A Noah’s Ark themed bible game involving people turning into animals and racing each. The whole thing is set to possiblely the worst Christian rock ever written. Enjoy.

FYI – The video is LONG. Be patient. It’s worth it, I promise.