Trophy Wife

Trophy Eating in San Francisco

Trophy Wife spent the weekend performing at The Purple Onion as part of the SFIF. It was wonderful. We made new friends (e.g., that guy whose cell phone could tell you what song was playing, Revolving Madness, and pianist Mark Takvoryan). We did three wonderful shows. And we ate at Tommy’s Joynt.

My first visit to Tommy’s Joynt was in 2005 when the Nite Terrors played the SFIF at the Next Stage. To borrow a line from John Denver, it was like coming home to a place I’d never been before. Picture a bar with character and community. Add to that bar an extensive steam-tray servery. In short, Cheers and Lawry’s had a baby and their baby is 60 years old.

Last summer, I took a four-day workshop with Bay Area Theater Sports. After class, I’d go to Tommy’s Joynt for dinner. Improv all day, and then some stew and a beer for dinner. Heaven.

This past Saturday, Trophy Wife dined at Tommy’s Joynt. The Wife loved the Joynt. I had a turkey drumstick, Natasha went with the sausage sandwich, Shaun Landry had the Corned Beef, Tim and Mike went with the brisket, and Opus and Kevin got nasty with the short ribs. Root beer, Sierra Nevada, Stella, and help-yourself water and pickles were also enjoyed.

Thank you, Tommy’s Joynt.

MKV: The Hovering Death Robot

So apparently Lockheed Martin has developed this. . . thing that’s supposed “to allow a single interceptor to destroy a ballistic missile equipped with multiple warheads or countermeasures.”

I don’t know about you, but all I see is a hovering death robot. Happy New Year.

Fair Advice

It’s September and one’s thoughts turn to the County Fair here in Los Angeles. I’ve been to the Fair several times over the years but I’m sad to say I won’t make it out there this year. So let me give some advice to you Fair-goers out there.

For those of you who play the horses, today’s the last day of live racing at the Fair. The first race went off at 1:00 and it’s a 12-race day, so you still have time to get out there.

Besides the horse racing, the rest of the Fair goes for 5 more days—this Wednesday (9/26) through Sunday (9/30).

The Fairplex is generally boiling hot, so dress to sweat and bring sun-screen. The best places to beat the heat: the wine and beer tasting area in the Home and Gardens pavilion. A close second: the table-setting competion area—excuse me, it’s now called tablescaping. It’s just below the horse track grandstands.

public service announcement

Everyone should watch this. Everyone in the world. But especially Johnny A. And Jill. And Opus. Well, everyone should watch it.

Fire in the Hollywood Hills

A brush fire broke out in the Hollywood Hills today. The fire is now under control, thanks to LA city and county fire departments. Everyone in Trophy Wife is confirmed safe. Our archive (containing tapes of past shows, internal memoranda, ephemera, slam books, and t-shirts) is also safe.

The fire broke out near the parking lot of the Oakwood Apartment complex on Barham Boulevard. It’s just east of the Cahuenga Pass, on the San Fernando Valley side of the Hollywood Hills. The Oakwood complex has over 1,000 fully furnished units available for short-term lease. Its tenant population is itself a flammable mix of recently divorced Angelinos and teens and twenty-somethings in town for pilot season. All are safe at this point and no housing was damaged in the fire.

As Mayor Villaraigosa reminded us at his press conference this evening, please make sure you clear your brush as we head into fire season.

Threat to the Wife

There’s a fella in my neighborhood, Jesse, who does a dandy clean-up job on a lawn for a very reasonable fee. He speaks excellent English and works on just about every house in the neighborhood. I’m pretty sure he could get a better job or charge higher rates, and I justify the fact that he doesn’t by suspecting that he’s a child molestor. If I’m right, he’s a very friendly child molester. Also, I don’t have any children, so what do I care?

The hill behind my house that is eventually going to smother me is in desperate need of some weeding. Rats and skunks live up there, and Jesse knows just what to do, so I left him a message asking when he could come by and take care of it for me.

I found this on my door this morning:

Now, in addition to thinking Jesse is a child molestor, I think he:

a) Murdered the little Korean lady who lives in the IHOP-looking house up the street, and is using her blank recipe cards to keep track of future appointments.

b) Plans to cook me on Friday, the 23rd.

Wish me luck.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

March 17 is not only Evacuation Day but it’s also Saint Patrick’s Day. I don’t think the Vatican officially ranks the saints, but I think we can all agree that St. Patrick is one of the best saints (right up there with Jill St. John).

To honor him, please observe the following today:

• No funny Irish accents;
• Don’t add an O’ or a Mc to your last name;
• No ribaldry based on Irish terms like Blarney Stone, shamrock, Shannon, etc.

Thank you,

A concerned Irish-American

hot tip: boyfriend season

One of the reasons I love Myspace is that it’s so helpful in reminding me about things. For example, I almost forgot that my favorite season of the year is nigh…

BOYFRIEND SEASON

Let’s make sure I have everything I need.

Orange vest? Check.

Rifle (cleaned)? Check.

Unquenchable thirst for blood? Check.

Space in the freezer? Well, I had to toss out some of last year’s freezerburned manchops, but… check. I kill ‘em faster than we can eat ‘em, you know what I’m saying?

Room on the wall of the billiards room for this guy’s head emerging from an understatedly elegant cherry wood plaque? Chickety check.

Watch yourselves in the woods, hot dudes… this season I’m back and your hide is MINE!

It's All Fun And Games Until The Robots Come To Kill Us All

Oscar is King

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is having their annual awards ceremony this afternoon. As a resident of Hollywood, I have a front-row seat to the perimeter of the 8 square blocks they’ve cordoned off for this weekend. I’m about as inside as it gets, among those of us on the outside.

And so, here’s my first dispatch as Trophy Wife’s embedded Oscar journalist… There are more canopies and tents up this year along the red carpet so that Oscar attendees have a 0% chance of getting rained on. In a related story, pretty much no chance of rain today.

That’s my early a.m. briefing. I’ll blog again if any new stories develop (that go unreported by the mainstream media). To manage your expectations: I’ve served as Trophy Wife’s embedded journalist for other awards ceremonies in the past and I’ve never had to blog. So don’t count on hearing from me.