Trophy Wife

Jill Likes To Move It

In last week’s show, our very own Jill Alexander played one of those costume-wearing sidewalk sign-flippers. Some people asked what she was listening to in her iPod. Now we know.

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Tips for a Kountry Khristmas: Mind Games

Sometimes I go from a big city (Los Angeles) to a small town (Mooresville, IN) over the holidays. This seems like it’d be relaxing, but sometimes I get stressed out from inactivity. This is because Mooresville is “quieter” than Los Angeles, and I’ve gotten used to loudness.*

So this year I’ve decided to keep myself amused by playing a new little game every day.

Today’s game was called Answer My Sister When She Is Talking to Her Cat As Though She’d Been Talking to Me.

Sample conversation:

—————————
MY SISTER:
Come on, fatness! Get off my mattress!

ME:
Oops, sorry about that.

MY SISTER:
No, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the cat.

ME:
Oh.
————————

(Please note that I was nowhere near the mattress – in fact, I was in a different room)

Second conversation:

————————
MY SISTER:
Come on, fatty, it’s time to eat your dinner.

ME:
Yay! What am I having?

MY SISTER:
No. I am talking to the cat.

ME:
Oh.

————-

If you decide to play this game, and I highly recommend it, nonchalance is key.

• “loudness” = hobos, smog, desperation, partial nudity

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Tim Kicks It Old School

And now, from our trip to San Francisco this summer, something we like to call “Tim Kicks It Old School”:

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Farewell Opus

Last Wednesday, we said goodbye to Opus Moreschi with the following video tribute. If you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to Opus, you can leave your wishes in the comments. He still reads this site (we think).

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Our Favorite iO SUV Jokes

If laughter is the best medicine, then the iO West community is already on the mend. Late last week, we solicited your best “iO SUV” jokes in light of the SUV that slammed into the front of the theater. In order to sweeten the deal, we offered a free Trophy Wife t-shirt to the best of the bunch. Well, over 100 submission later, we’ve chosen our favorites.

Special mention goes to our very own Opus Moreschi. As a member of The Wife, Opus isn’t eligible for the free shirt, but the former Late Late Show writer did produce some of our favorite quips, including:

• And you thought the bar was full of bits before…
• Next week, UCB will do the same thing, and all the converse-wearing vampire-weekend-worshipping Los Feliz hipsters will assume they invented it.
• This was merely the first entry in the new Two-Drunk-Guys-And-A-Midsize-Vehicle tournament.
• Well, I’ve never heard of “Car Smashing Through Wall”? either, but, they’re from Chicago and Charna loves them, so, they get a slot…

And the groaner

“That was a Del Close one!”

Honorable Mention goes to Moxie’s Graham Douglas for his entry:

I drove a car into iO and all I got was a lousy Trophy Wife t-shirt.

Graham’s bit of meta-humor has convinced us to make him a custom Trophy Wife shirt bearing his entry. So watch for Graham wearing that when the bar reopens.

And so here now are the TROPHY WIFE TOP 10 FAVORITE iO SUV JOKES:

• 10. Someone didn’t make a Harold Team. . . -Joy Allen
• 9. Damn, I paid the guy to hit Vice. . . -Rich Talarico
• 7. In Soviet Russia, improv theater crash into YOU! -Hollywood Phony
• 8. Can we have a suggestion of an automobile that will fit on this stage? -Zach Huddleston
• 6. That’s not bad…but if you REALLY want to see SUV’s crash into improv theaters, you have to go to Chicago. -Mike Hughes
• 5. You mean this isn’t what Miles means by ‘Deconstruction’? -Faryl Who?
• 4. When Trask goes big… -Dave Ball
• 3. I keep trying to run into you at IO West, you just never seem to be at the bar. -Hawkins
• 2. Looks like Joey’s out of rehab! -Rebecca Hotpants Stevens

And OUR #1 FAVORITE iO SUV JOKE:

I haven’t seen a gaping hole like that since Beer Shark left the lineup.

Congratulations to DHT’s Dustin Sterling for his winning entry. Dustin will receive a free Trophy Wife t-shirt in the size of his choice at the next DHT/Trophy Wife show.

Thanks to everyone who entered. Those of you hoping for a Trophy Wife shirt, don’t despair – we’ll have them for sale on the site soon.

And feel free to add more jokes to the original thread (since as we all know “comedy = tragedy + time”), but we now pronounce iO SUV jokes officially dead.

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SUV Smashes Into iO West. Hilarity Ensues.

At approximately 4pm today, an out of control SUV traveling eastbound on Hollywood Blvd. crashed through the front of the iO West, coming to a stop deep in the iO West bar. Nobody was injured, but the Mainstage and Bar have been closed until further notice.

More importantly though, this accident has proven to be instant inspiration for a seemingly endless stream of “iO SUV” jokes among the improv community.

So in order to help the iO West community begin the healing process, we’d like to hear your best “iO SUV” jokes. Use the comments below to submit them. The best one gets a Trophy Wife t-shirt.

UPDATED: We’ve got a winner.

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Tribute To Eric Hunicutt

Last Wednesday, we said goodbye to Eric Hunicutt with our first full-cast show in months and the following video tribute afterwards. Enjoy:

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Dapper O'Neil

My hometown lost a legend this past holiday season. Retired Boston public servant Albert P. “Dappper� O’Neil passed away at the age of 89. Dapper served on the City Council for 28 years.

Dapper was not a public figure without controversy. At the very least, he relished being politically incorrect. But I want to note here another side of Dapper: he was a singer who recorded several novelty songs over the years.

Dapper’s greatest hit was “The Irish Belly Dancer.â€? I don’t know that it ever made it big as a novelty song (I don’t think it ever cracked Dr. Demento’s Funny Five). But it enjoyed a following in Boston. Long-time radio host Larry Glick would often play it on his nightly talk show on WBZ.

Dapper’s other notable songs: Spaghetti-itis (wherein Dapper sings of the difficulty of eating pasta); Mr. Cab Man (an ode to the taxi as a real-life magic carpet ride); and If I Had My Life to Live Over (a song dedicated to the late, great Congressman J. Joseph Moakley).

Thank you, Dapper, for sharing your voice and your sense of humor. This one’s for you (all together now)..

The Irish Belly Dancer
To me she is the answer
The Queen of Bellydance from Ireland

She shakes a mile a minute
Everything She’s got is in it.
The Queen of Bellydance from Ireland.

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Do Not Stick Stand Up Ass

While perusing the manual for a Manfrotto light stand I recently bought, I came across the following, unintentionally hilarious infographic:

Is it just me, or should the description read “Do Not Stick Stand Up Ass”?

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That's Our. . . Me!

I was on Jimmy Kimmel Live Tuesday night, playing the son of totally un-gay Senator Larry Craig in a bit alongside DHT's Julia Wackenheim. Check it out:

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