Trophy Wife

Our Favorite iO SUV Jokes

If laughter is the best medicine, then the iO West community is already on the mend. Late last week, we solicited your best “iO SUV” jokes in light of the SUV that slammed into the front of the theater. In order to sweeten the deal, we offered a free Trophy Wife t-shirt to the best of the bunch. Well, over 100 submission later, we’ve chosen our favorites.

Special mention goes to our very own Opus Moreschi. As a member of The Wife, Opus isn’t eligible for the free shirt, but the former Late Late Show writer did produce some of our favorite quips, including:

• And you thought the bar was full of bits before…
• Next week, UCB will do the same thing, and all the converse-wearing vampire-weekend-worshipping Los Feliz hipsters will assume they invented it.
• This was merely the first entry in the new Two-Drunk-Guys-And-A-Midsize-Vehicle tournament.
• Well, I’ve never heard of “Car Smashing Through Wall” either, but, they’re from Chicago and Charna loves them, so, they get a slot…

And the groaner

“That was a Del Close one!”

Honorable Mention goes to Moxie’s Graham Douglas for his entry:

I drove a car into iO and all I got was a lousy Trophy Wife t-shirt.

Graham’s bit of meta-humor has convinced us to make him a custom Trophy Wife shirt bearing his entry. So watch for Graham wearing that when the bar reopens.

And so here now are the TROPHY WIFE TOP 10 FAVORITE iO SUV JOKES:

• 10. Someone didn’t make a Harold Team. . . -Joy Allen
• 9. Damn, I paid the guy to hit Vice. . . -Rich Talarico
• 7. In Soviet Russia, improv theater crash into YOU! -Hollywood Phony
• 8. Can we have a suggestion of an automobile that will fit on this stage? -Zach Huddleston
• 6. That’s not bad…but if you REALLY want to see SUV’s crash into improv theaters, you have to go to Chicago. -Mike Hughes
• 5. You mean this isn’t what Miles means by ‘Deconstruction’? -Faryl Who?
• 4. When Trask goes big… -Dave Ball
• 3. I keep trying to run into you at IO West, you just never seem to be at the bar. -Hawkins
• 2. Looks like Joey’s out of rehab! -Rebecca Hotpants Stevens

And OUR #1 FAVORITE iO SUV JOKE:

I haven’t seen a gaping hole like that since Beer Shark left the lineup.

Congratulations to DHT’s Dustin Sterling for his winning entry. Dustin will receive a free Trophy Wife t-shirt in the size of his choice at the next DHT/Trophy Wife show.

Thanks to everyone who entered. Those of you hoping for a Trophy Wife shirt, don’t despair – we’ll have them for sale on the site soon.

And feel free to add more jokes to the original thread (since as we all know “comedy = tragedy + time”), but we now pronounce iO SUV jokes officially dead.

SUV Smashes Into iO West. Hilarity Ensues.

At approximately 4pm today, an out of control SUV traveling eastbound on Hollywood Blvd. crashed through the front of the iO West, coming to a stop deep in the iO West bar. Nobody was injured, but the Mainstage and Bar have been closed until further notice.

More importantly though, this accident has proven to be instant inspiration for a seemingly endless stream of “iO SUV” jokes among the improv community.

So in order to help the iO West community begin the healing process, we’d like to hear your best “iO SUV” jokes. Use the comments below to submit them. The best one gets a Trophy Wife t-shirt.

UPDATED: We’ve got a winner.

Show: Tribute To Eric Hunicutt (05.11.08)

Last Wednesday, we said goodbye to Eric Hunicutt with our first full-cast show in months and the following video tribute afterwards. Enjoy:

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Dapper O'Neil

My hometown lost a legend this past holiday season. Retired Boston public servant Albert P. “Dappper” O’Neil passed away at the age of 89. Dapper served on the City Council for 28 years.

Dapper was not a public figure without controversy. At the very least, he relished being politically incorrect. But I want to note here another side of Dapper: he was a singer who recorded several novelty songs over the years.

Dapper’s greatest hit was “The Irish Belly Dancer.” I don’t know that it ever made it big as a novelty song (I don’t think it ever cracked Dr. Demento’s Funny Five). But it enjoyed a following in Boston. Long-time radio host Larry Glick would often play it on his nightly talk show on WBZ.

Dapper’s other notable songs: Spaghetti-itis (wherein Dapper sings of the difficulty of eating pasta); Mr. Cab Man (an ode to the taxi as a real-life magic carpet ride); and If I Had My Life to Live Over (a song dedicated to the late, great Congressman J. Joseph Moakley).

Thank you, Dapper, for sharing your voice and your sense of humor. This one’s for you (all together now)..

The Irish Belly Dancer
To me she is the answer
The Queen of Bellydance from Ireland

She shakes a mile a minute
Everything She’s got is in it.
The Queen of Bellydance from Ireland.

Do Not Stick Stand Up Ass

While perusing the manual for a Manfrotto light stand I recently bought, I came across the following, unintentionally hilarious infographic:

Is it just me, or should the description read “Do Not Stick Stand Up Ass”?

That's Our. . . Me!

I was on Jimmy Kimmel Live Tuesday night, playing the son of totally un-gay Senator Larry Craig in a bit alongside DHT's Julia Wackenheim. Check it out:

hot tip: boyfriend season

One of the reasons I love Myspace is that it’s so helpful in reminding me about things. For example, I almost forgot that my favorite season of the year is nigh…

BOYFRIEND SEASON

Let’s make sure I have everything I need.

Orange vest? Check.

Rifle (cleaned)? Check.

Unquenchable thirst for blood? Check.

Space in the freezer? Well, I had to toss out some of last year’s freezerburned manchops, but… check. I kill ‘em faster than we can eat ‘em, you know what I’m saying?

Room on the wall of the billiards room for this guy’s head emerging from an understatedly elegant cherry wood plaque? Chickety check.

Watch yourselves in the woods, hot dudes… this season I’m back and your hide is MINE!

Jam

This past Wednesday, Trophy Wife hosted the IO West’s weekly Jam. The IO West calls it the Harold Long-form Jam. And with a name like Harold Long-form Jam, it’s got to be good.

And it was. Tim, Irene, Kevin, Zabeth, and I ran the show. We had a wonderful audience of improv fans and practitioners, including several members of Hat Trick.

The highlight was when we pulled off three tableaux vivants (a pretend Caravaggio, a pretend Chagall, and that same pretend Chagall upside down) and then we jumped back and forth among them. Impressive group work.

To get an idea of our pretend Caravaggio, check out the screenshot in the most recent post below (of our 1/31/07 show, suggestion: flowers). Zabeth’s position there is similar to where the jam’s group mind led her for our pretend Caravaggio (though the pretend Caravaggio position was even more venus-in-a-half-shell in appearance and entourage).

Again, impressive group work for a pick-up game of long-form. Kudos to you, jammers of 1/31/07!

Jack's Joke Shop is Closing

Jack’s Joke Shop, a Boston institution since 1922, will be closing in January. The owner is retiring and, as he asks in an article in today’s Boston Herald, “How many whoopee cushions can a person sell in their lifetime?” (if you know the answer to that question, please let me know in the Comments section below).

I’ve been going to Jack’s since I was a kid. My parents wouldn’t let me buy anything there, so I had to wait until I left for college to become more than just a window-shopper. Opus was also a Jack’s customer in his college days.

The people who worked at Jack’s were an absolute delight. They’d put on the old ‘arrow through the head’ head-piece just to get a rise out of you. Or, they’d drop a fake turd at your feet and then look accusingly at you as if you’d just sullied their floor. And then there was the soda can on the counter. Have it, they’d offer. You’d touch it and—ouch!—you’d get a mild, battery-powered shock from it. I think my friend Roni has the record for holding the can. She held it for about 10 seconds.

I write as if Jack’s is already closed, but it’s open until the second week of January. If you’re in Boston at some point in the next six weeks, why don’t you stop by Jack’s and treat yourself to a whoopee cushion?

Tim and Zabs visit the happiest place on earth.

Last Friday Zabeth and I took a long looked forward to trip to Disneyland. As you can see from the picture that follows, it didn’t end up like we planned.

How was I supposed to know we’d get drawn into the super competitive world of 1 on 1 lazer battling. That’s not something you set out to do on a day that’s supposed to be filled with fun and frolic…Actually, there was some frolic and for a second we thought Zabs was preggers but the good folks at the Disney first aid center took care of that.

As you can see from the scores listed, Zabeth totally housed me and I went home embarrassed and ashamed. Thanks Disneyland. Thanks a lot.