Trophy Wife

Ten are here:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/note.php?note_id=17943678779&ref=nf

Reposted for those who aren’t Opus’ Facebook friend:

1. “So two guys drive into a bar…”
2. The suspects were detained until authorities arrived by John Crowley, who personally seduced each one of them.
3. Next week, UCB will do the same thing, and all the converse-wearing vampire-weekend-worshipping Los Feliz hipsters will assume they invented it.
4. And you thought the bar was full of bits before…
5. Due to budget cuts, the terrorist plan to fly a plane into the olympics was downgraded to driving a car into Improv Olympic.
6. In the driver’s defense, a local coyote did paint a tunnel on the front of the building.
7. When the driver heard the price of PBR had been raised to three bucks, he vowed never to crash there again.
8. This was merely the first entry in the new Two-Drunk-Guys-And-A-Midsize-Vehicle tournament.
9. Even thought he was nowhere near the place at the time, police are not ruling out Andy Dick as a suspect.
10. Well, I’ve never heard of “Car Smashing Through Wall” either, but, they’re from Chicago and Charna loves them, so, they get a slot…

In Soviet Russia, improv theater crash into YOU!

NO TOONCES NO!

After the police took their statement, James Grace chastised them for asking too many questions and not making their partner look good.

“Yes, And” THIS, motherfucker!

Someone didn’t make a Harold team….

IOWest was always a hole in the wall, but this is ridiculous…
(Best delivered while dressed as Groucho Marx for maximum effect)

Hey, Fred Schneider, what are you doing?

“Is this The Improv?”

zip – zap – ZOOOOOOOOOPS!

“No Andy, we won’t validate your parking.”

What’s IO West’s favorite candy?

A Crunch bar.

“Where the hell is Cornell!?”

Damn! I paid the guy to hit Vice…

“Looks like Joey’s out of rehab!”

“And the flowers are still standing!”

Can I get a Rumples…to go?

I didn’t know the Friday 40 moved to Thursdays.

In an order to differentiate itself from the 12,000 other comedy clubs in Los Angeles, IOWest introduces new “Drive-Thru Improv”

was that a sweep?

Worst thing to happen at IO since the last time Eddie Geller performed. Now THAT was a disaster.

Michael Jacques will be holding a fundraiser on Hollywood Blvd every night until iO is repaired.

Probably after too.

I haven’t seen a gaping hole like that since Beer Shark left the lineup.

Can we have a suggestion of an automobile that will fit on this stage?

the white zone is for the loading and unloading of drunk drivers only.

I thought I would change up the SUV from white to black – gross miscalculation……

My note to the driver “Stop driving (into) the scene.”

The new Roshambo:

SUV > IO
IO > booze
booze > SUV

And conveniently EJ has skipped town. A little too conveniently …

The Improv Liberation Front strikes another blow in making improv accessible to the masses.

At 10p on Friday June 27, 2008, police responded to a mass of improvisors rioting in the streets of Hollywood. They were flagging down cars, asking for suggestions, and wooshing through traffic to “edit” it. Police rounded them up and intended to hold them in a cell over night, but released them when they their bits about getting thrown in the hoosegow got annoying.

Cinespace valet strikes again!

Newest drink at iO. The SUV: A shot of Jager slammed into a PBR. Generously sprinkle with shards of ice.

That’ll teach you not to crowd the waitress stand!

That’s not an SUV, its a monkey in a tuxedo! You’re crazy!

(Sorry, I’m only in Level 2)

IOWest: Los Angeles’ Best Improv Carmedy

Newest show at IO West: Improvised Michael Bay Movie.

Windsor flight 114 this is Dulles, we’ve got you.

Taking California’s new hands-free law to a whole new level.

Photoshopped.

GTAiO

Wow, Bad things DO happen to Bennie Arthur.

(Weeping) I’m gonna get on Saturday Night Live!

Black SUV… Thank you black SUV

Does that mean The Improviders aren’t playing tonight? Damn it!

…and when the cops pulled out the dead guys, Stairway to Heaven was playing over and over!

Cornell predicted the aliens would do this.

Well the entrance did draw focus, but the space work was a little off.

I have to admit, for a first beat, the energy and commitment was impressive.

Who cares? When’s the fucking A/C gonna get fixed?

Obama!

More footage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0

Eddie, you bastard.

It was a good show, but the opening was messy.

Never bring a knife to an SUV fight

I can’t shake him!!

new rule coaches, when you want lights pulled just wave your hand.

Respect your partner’s spacework.

Adorable kitten photoshopped into SUV says:

“I Can Has Improv Now?”

What?! No martini menu!?

“Nick Armstrong studied where? I gotta see this place!”

Cowhig’s gone for one day and the place falls apart!

On the bright side, the driver did return Brian O’Connell’s missing laptop.

(Sorry, Brian. This joke is my way of coping with two losses.)

And all this time I thought I would get killed in the alley!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F_5qVNJvHY
If you haven’t seen inside the IO check out the video

Cackowski always says to make use of your environment!

Who’s up for a game of “Sit, Stand, Crash?”

MTV will also be featuring iO West in the new season of “Road Rules.”

“According to Garmin we still had 50 ft before we reached the theatre,and computers don’t lie people!!!”

That’s not bad…but if you REALLY want to see SUV’s crash into improv theaters, you have to go to Chicago.

“I just let go of the wheel and it happened organically.”

“where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me…”

Who will protect all those framed photos of Baron’s Barricudas from looters?

Worst Entry Ever:

“Wow! That was a Del Close one!”

just drive…you’ll think of something before you crash.

Didn’t “The Love Guru” do enough damage to comedy this month?!!!!

Hey! Its Quiz Kid Donnie Smith!

“Man, what some people will do to get into the scene…”

http://la.metblogs.com/2008/06/27/funny-people-are-funny-626-never-forget/

And thus, the Lohan/Spears/Hogan party night came to a premature, and yet totally predictable end…

“Hi, I’m in Level 2. Can you punch my show card?”

On Thursday, an out of control SUV crashed into the bar of the IO West theater On Hollywood Bl. The driver, IO’s very own Andy Dick, said he just wanted a drink and a little attention.

“Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting a divorce?! PULL OVER!”

That’s just BANG theatre giving us the ol’ #2

Uh oh, someone didn’t make it onto a Harold team

I appreciate a good publicity stunt, but I think you crossed the line on this one, Comedy Car Hole.

http://www.comedycarhole.com/

Our old name made some people think we were the Olympic Games. Our new name makes some people think we’re the freeway to Santa Monica.

I drove a car into iO and all I got was a lousy Trophy Wife t-shirt.

oh god! a spot just opened up in craig cackowski’s level 3 class! MOVE!!!

is this where i sign up for the open mic stand up?

Because nothing exceeds like excess…

1. Parking on Hollywood Boulevard really IS hard to find.

2. “If I can’t have Dave Hill, no one can!”

3. “Dammit, Cowhig, when you said you were gonna crash in the green room, I didn’t think this was what you meant!”

4. And with that, the anti-smoking lobbyists threw down the gauntlet.

5. “This one’s for you, Hey Swayze!”

6. “Well, Doc, I guess we didn’t hit 88MPH. Next time, we’ll use the DeLorean, for sure.”

7. “Wow, UCB people really DO commit to the game.”

8. “You mean all 3 of them are gonna be in Dasariski tonight? I’m so THERE!”

9. “Oh, my god! It’s Chris Farley’s star on the Walk of Fame! I gotta get a picture of myself and…oopsie.”

10. “You mean this isn’t what Miles means by ‘deconstruction’?”

Get well soon, iO.

Was that an edit or a tag out?

Toupy OOps!

When Trask goes big…

Who said, “There are no mistakes in improv”?

David Hasselhoff steps out and slurs “KITT you stay here. Now! Where’s this fourteen dollar cheeseburger I’ve been hearing so much about?”

Finally someone with the courage to heighten a scene!

This is EXACTLY why we need the floaters checking IDs!… except Rick Rosario, he is far too precious.

Just have Bob Dassie rebuild it with spacework bricks and plate glass.

i wanna make love in this club… in this club

I can’t do jokes, people have hit too many… so I just wanted to leave you guys with a couple of traditional Irish blessings:

“May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their SUV beside your door.”

“May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.”

I won’t come up with them, but would love it if others did.
A Haiku, a limerick, and if famous comedians were in the bar:

Groucho Marx:

“Did you see that SUV come through iO?”
“watch it sir, that’s my wife!”

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the “Andy Dick Parking Lot”. Brought to you by Andy Dick.

Luckily, no one was hurt, since all of the improv fans in the area were still in line on the sidewalk outside UCB, waiting for the Wednesday night shows to start. [Ooo, double burn! Take that, iO’s lack of hipness in relation to UCB, and UCB’s tendency to start shows really late and make the audience wait outside like cattle!]

Kevin: And we see this beautiful maple leaf fly all the way to Hollywood Blvd. in California.
Rachel: Where a jackass is climbing into his car and there’s dots popping all round his head.
Jill: He’s drunk.
Opus: Yes and he doesn’t know where he is. He’s lost, he’s trying to find his way.
John: Through poor choices, fair weather friends and bad liquor. (laugh track)
Zabeth: So he turns on the ignition and drives.
Mike: And drives and drives.
Tim: Until the driving stops.
Mike: The sadness begins.
John: And his journey becoems one we will hear throughout the ages.
Opus: Jackass!
LIGHTS

From Joe Bill:
It’s Susan Messing’s new show: “Messing With A Storefront.”

“I keep trying to run into you at IO West, you just never seem to be at the bar”

Oh my god, a car just crashed into that FUCKING building. I hope everyone is ok.

1)Geez, I don’t even want to know what THIS is going to do to gas prices…

2) The map says that the crystal skull is hidden somewhere in this wall…

2) And thus began a run of young harold teams with wacky car crash related names…

3) Somewhere, I know Del’s looking up at us and getting really fucked up…but that has nothing to do with the whole SUV thing…

4) Boy oh boy! Talk about the “Real World”…right?…The Real World…get it?…Seriously, I have no idea where I’m going to watch the Real World now.

Anyone wanna buy a sweet guitar amp?

I now realize my drinking problem is out of control. Even though I lash out at my friends when they say I’m a drunk, they’re the only ones that care. I feel terrible about my behavior. I’m so sorry, you guys. I want to get better.

FIRST!

Right, right, uh huh…hold one sec I have a call waiting

James Grace: Guys, we’re looking for some stunts we can pull to help promote the theater.

From the back of the room, Drunk SUV Driver raises hand.

And within an hour the SUV was already on a team with Andy Trask.

Luckily, the car was cushioned by the massive amounts of level 5 show fliers hanging from the windows.

The SUV felt right at home after Jude invited it over to her end of the bar, saying “your cutest SUV friend I ever had!!!” She later drank a few Rumple’s and grabbed it’s bumper.

I know it’s over, but:

Come to the Armando, with special guest Billy Joel!