There’s a fella in my neighborhood, Jesse, who does a dandy clean-up job on a lawn for a very reasonable fee. He speaks excellent English and works on just about every house in the neighborhood. I’m pretty sure he could get a better job or charge higher rates, and I justify the fact that he doesn’t by suspecting that he’s a child molestor. If I’m right, he’s a very friendly child molester. Also, I don’t have any children, so what do I care?
The hill behind my house that is eventually going to smother me is in desperate need of some weeding. Rats and skunks live up there, and Jesse knows just what to do, so I left him a message asking when he could come by and take care of it for me.
I found this on my door this morning:
Now, in addition to thinking Jesse is a child molestor, I think he:
a) Murdered the little Korean lady who lives in the IHOP-looking house up the street, and is using her blank recipe cards to keep track of future appointments.
b) Plans to cook me on Friday, the 23rd.
Wish me luck.
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